As we have explored, creating secure attachment behaviors in adulthood is entirely attainable. With self-awareness, supportive relationships, and -when needed- skilled assist, anyone can move towards deeper, more healthy connections, and feel more securely attached. We lined what attachment types are, how to identify your personal, and practical steps to begin healing, whether on your own or with assist. Secure attachment is a foundation of wholesome and fulfilling relationships. It refers to a deep sense of belief, emotional connection, and security between people.
Parental attachment majorly informs who younger adults turn into, so making that bond positive and helpful will give them instruments to succeed. Trusting her in return doesn’t just offer you a sigh of reduction, it improves so much of her self-esteem and personal growth. The relationship you build along with your daughter in her teenage years will impression her entire life.
We can’t consider a extra valuable reward you can provide your youngster than that of a secure attachment. Embarking on the journey to develop safer attachments is an act of courage and self-love. It’s about charting a course towards more healthy relationships, not simply with others, but crucially, with yourself.
Many shoppers come to me feeling stuck in patterns of tension or avoidance, unsure of how to create deeper, extra fulfilling relationships. The excellent news is that with self-awareness and effort, it is attainable to domesticate secure attachment and expertise significant connections. As you heal out of your attachment wounds, you may have the chance to create new, more healthy relationship patterns. This could involve setting boundaries, learning to speak your needs effectively, and working towards vulnerability and authenticity in your interactions. By prioritizing self-care and surrounding your self with a supportive community, you can domesticate a secure attachment type that will serve you nicely in all of your private relationships.
Babies are born with an intuition to hunt closeness and comfort from their caregivers. How you reply to your baby’s needs—especially when they’re distressed—teaches them in regards to the world and their place in it. If they feel that their needs are met with heat and sensitivity, they develop up feeling secure. If not, they may develop anxieties, insecurities, or difficulties forming healthy relationships later on. Attachment is considered one of the trickiest things to get proper in any relationship. And, because today’s society hasn’t gotten used to the fact that they have to show kids how to have a wholesome relationship.
As a new parent, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by advice and data. But attachment concept reminds us that crucial factor you can offer your child is you—your presence, your love, and your responsiveness. Building a safe attachment doesn’t require perfection; it merely requires a commitment to being there in your child, responding to their needs with heat, and trusting the bond that grows between you.
In this part, we’ll explore some frequent indicators of insecure attachment patterns that can manifest in numerous relationships. While our attachment types are often formed by our early experiences, it’s potential to work in course of growing a safer attachment style as an grownup. This process includes understanding your current attachment patterns, working via past experiences, and cultivating new, wholesome methods of referring to others. Rebuilding trust and emotional connections is a key focus of attachment remedy.
People with a secure attachment fashion really feel snug being open and susceptible. They can depend on their family members without concern of being abandoned or rejected. The Creating Secure Attachment worksheet provides research-backed suggestions for working towards secure attachment in grownup relationships. These embrace learning about one’s attachment type, inspecting beliefs about relationships, and performing opposite to one’s anxious or avoidant style, among others.
For instance, “When I am hurting, I go to my mother for comfort” (Cassidy et al., 2013, p. 1417). According to attachment principle, the patterns of attachment we type once we are young impression our later relationships with our partners, pals, and households (Gibson, 2020). Practice self-soothing, name your wants out loud, and work on repairing conflict as a substitute of avoiding it.
Ensure your child is aware of that if they’re scared, lonely, chilly, thirsty or hungry, they will come to you, and you will place their needs first. Consistency is necessary for kids to really feel that their caregivers are reliable and consistent, resulting in feelings of stability and secureness. Therefore, we should do as a lot as potential to realize this attachment fashion in kids from an early age – not a simple task. Still, optimistic parenting and caregiving can contribute significantly to reaching this.
Caregivers may be relieved to know that youngsters aren’t maintaining a parenting rating, but quite assessing whether or not the relationship is safe and safe general. Kitty Dijksma is dedicated to the psychological and social dynamics that form human behaviour. Particularly, in areas that explore the intersections of life-style, relationships, and mental well being, with specific give consideration to childhood trauma, interpersonal dynamics, and emotional well-being.
“Anxious-disorganized attachment is defined as having extraordinarily inconsistent conduct and difficulty trusting others,” Peoples said. “We unconsciously count on our romantic partners to act as our mother and father did, and therefore, we act in sure ways because of these expectations,” stated Jordan. Discover 15 fun and effective growth mindset activities for youths that promote resilience, optimistic thinking, and the facility of growth.
Consistency helps kids really feel secure and develop a way of belief of their caregivers. The first few years of a child’s life are critical for the formation of wholesome attachments. During this period, youngsters study to belief and rely on their caregivers to offer comfort, assist, and protection. This trust and reliance lay the groundwork for a child’s ability to kind secure attachments with others sooner or later, together with friends, romantic companions, and even their very own children. Remember, building a secure attachment style is a journey that requires self-awareness and the willingness to address past traumas or insecurities. With effort and time, it’s attainable for anyone to develop healthier and more fulfilling attachment patterns that lay the inspiration for sturdy and satisfying relationships.
The concept comes from the work of John Bowlby in 1958, who explored how early bonds with caregivers form the finest way we relate to others. Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver later expanded these ideas to grownup romantic relationships. One of probably the most powerful ways to develop a secure attachment type is to spend time with people who embody the traits of safe attachment. Healthy, supportive relationships can mannequin belief, emotional balance, and effective communication. You can study a great deal from being around individuals who approach relationships in a secure and grounded method.
Strategies to develop safe styles improve connections, nurturing stability. By embracing safe strategies, relationships turn out to be more than ties—they turn out to be thriving gardens of belief and empathy, offering solace and support in life’s journey. Grounded in reliable emotional regulation, they navigate life’s ups and downs with grace. Secure bonds develop via constant caregiving, laying groundwork for resilience. Secure methods can shift relationship dynamics, fostering stability.
Attachment-building actions for children involve interactive and engaging experiences that foster a sense of safety, connection, and closeness. Building trust with someone with RAD entails consistent, patient actions that convey security and understanding. Start with reflective listening, set clear boundaries, and permit them to precise feelings at their very own pace.
Remember, it’s not simply in regards to the amount but the high quality of those interactions that builds a lasting bond. Creating a protected and secure environment goes beyond childproofing cabinets and softening sharp corners. It’s about creating an emotional haven the place your youngster feels connected, seen, heard, and understood. Emotional safety lets children categorical their thoughts and feelings without concern of ridicule or dismissal, which is significant for his or her improvement. Instead of the all-too-tempting “You’ll get over it,” strive sitting down and opening up a dialogue.
Establishing daily rituals, similar to a special “good morning” or “good night” routine, offers children with consolation, predictability, and a way of safety. Eye contact fosters belief and security, making the kid feel more linked to their caregiver. Mindful respiratory is a chilled exercise that helps youngsters regulate their emotions whereas additionally fostering a deeper reference to their caregivers. Through playful interplay, children be taught that it’s okay to specific their feelings and that their emotions are legitimate.
This includes plenty of collaboration and compromise, but never coercion or control. “Hence, kids model (imitate) secure attachment as nicely as receive it from their caregivers,” Peoples added. Storytelling is a strong method to foster emotional connection and understanding between kids and their caregivers. Trust walks are a simple yet highly effective activity to construct a child’s trust of their caregiver and strengthen their emotional bond.
Whatever is yours to manage, make positive you’ve taken care of it as finest you can. Practical issues you want to manage might embrace funds, grocery shopping, house responsibilities, home upkeep, and others. If you know a dismissive avoidant, you may know they’ve problem counting on others. Ultimately, that’s because you understand that vanity comes from inside, and also you don’t depend on your companion to “fix” or validate your sense of self-worth.
These patterns usually result in unhealthy relationship choices and stress. My coaching method empowers girls to build genuine, fulfilling relationships. Together, we work to create extra confidence and stability in their lives. If you answered “Yes” to extra of the first three questions, you could have an anxious or avoidant attachment fashion. If you answered “Yes” to the last three, you would possibly have a secure attachment. If you’re feeling torn between both, it’s attainable you have a disorganized attachment fashion.
This isn’t just about altering habits; it’s about emotional therapeutic. It’s about discovering better methods to like and be liked in our relationships. Those that have unmet wants are inclined to develop insecure attachment styles.
Fortunately, most people have a safe attachment as a outcome of it favors survival. It ensures that we’re protected and can help each other in a harmful setting. The nervousness we really feel once we don’t know the whereabouts of our baby or a missing beloved one throughout a catastrophe, as in the film The Impossible, isn’t codependent. Frantic calls and searching are considered “protest conduct,” like a child fretting for its mother.
For instance, somebody with an anxious attachment style may regularly feel insecure, while somebody with an avoidant fashion may draw back in moments of vulnerability. Attachment concept, first developed by psychologist John Bowlby, explains how early relationships with caregivers affect how we type emotional bonds all through life. These early attachments form our responses to relationships in maturity, influencing every little thing from emotional intimacy to how we deal with conflict. In addition to therapy and self-reflection, there are several exercises and strategies you should use to cultivate a safer attachment fashion.
Many adopted, foster, or kinship youngsters feel completely different from the households they stay in for many legitimate reasons. How you deal with those differences could make a world of distinction for how your child feels in your beloved ones. His sense of security and attachment will deepen when his variations are accepted and celebrated.
“In many instances, the person may need to speak to a counselor to make sense of their childhood experiences and the way they have an effect on future relationships,” she provides. In childhood, you might have had strict or emotionally distant and absent caregivers. Your caregivers have been most likely emotionally obtainable and conscious of their very own emotions and behaviors. Secure attachment is outlined by an ability to construct healthy, long-lasting relationships, Peoples mentioned.
Don’t expect your companion to determine out what’s happening for you within your head. Use clear, kind, direct language until you’re feeling like the issue is resolved. Building friendships improves the skills of sharing and communication, and develops persona and identity. Children must be inspired to make friendships and construct on their social expertise.
You must respect your teenager’s growth and skills, however there need to be open discussions on the limits to those selections and when you must be involved. Meeting midway, deciding on guidelines and expectations together, staying in touch, and adding extra trust and independence as you develop your relationship is important. If you promise your daughter that she has a particular curfew and it is okay if she is late so long as she calls, however you then return on that, it breaks the belief. She might be more more likely to act out and never depend on you for help and assist when she wants it.
One crucial takeaway is that attachment isn’t only a fancy time period psychologists love to throw around. It’s the invisible bond that holds relationships collectively, and as you’ve seen, building a safe attachment requires effort, consistency, and a great deal of emotional intelligence. Whether it’s responding to a child’s needs, setting healthy boundaries, or sharing moments of pure joy, every action is a brick within the fortress of attachment. Establishing healthy boundaries and setting limits are essential for fostering safe attachment. This not only aids in creating self-discipline but also reinforces a sense of safety and trust in relationships. Let’s deep-jump into how defining clear boundaries and instructing acceptable behavior contribute to safe attachment.
Are there any fears or insecurities which are stopping you from totally trusting others? By figuring out these underlying issues, you can actively work in the path of resolving them and creating area for more significant connections. This consistent care helps your baby develop belief in you and the world around them, forming the muse of a safe attachment. Your sensitivity and empathy in responding to their needs reinforce your bond and support their emotional development. Understanding your emotions, wants, and attachment patterns makes navigating relationships simpler. This information helps you communicate your wishes, set boundaries, and build vanity.
Keep an accomplishment log—three small items per day—to counter negativity bias and collect proof of competence. Schedule short, restorative breaks—twenty minutes of targeted relaxation or movement—to decrease reactivity and enhance emotional regulation when you need to enforce limits. Over time, these constant choices shift self-perception so that asserting your wants feels pure, not selfish. One of the advantages of a weekly meeting is that you create a habit of consistent communication with one another. No one feels left out of the loop, and it’s a tangible method to say that everyone belongs.
As psychiatrist Dan Siegel says, “feeling felt” is among the most necessary wants children have. In truth, the authors assert that the myth of “complete availability” actually undermines a child’s improvement. Ruptures, small and enormous, occur all the time in the cloth of human relationships, and so it turns into essential that repairs, small and huge, become second nature to folks.
To actually grasp the facility of attachment therapy, we have to perceive the totally different attachment types that form our relational behaviors. It’s like learning the language of love and connection—each fashion has its own dialect, influencing how we express and obtain affection. A fractured bond, a shattered heart—the invisible wounds of attachment trauma run deep, silently shaping our relationships and sense of self.
Trust varieties the bedrock of any relationship but could be especially fragile for these with RAD. One beneficial approach is reflective listening—actively listening to your liked one’s issues, summarizing their emotions, and validating their feelings without judgment. Reflective listening has been proven to minimize back anxiousness, providing RAD-affected people a safe area to express themselves. While attachment styles often start in childhood, the good news is they aren’t set in stone. With awareness and energy, individuals can shift towards safe attachment at any stage of life.
When they share fear, pay attention for the sensation beneath it instead of correcting them. Gentle consistency helps their nervous system relax and builds trust over time. This approach helps the attachment system by providing a sense of safety and luxury, and helps shift relationship patterns towards larger safety.
Understanding and making use of the pillars of safe attachment, similar to consistency, emotional responsiveness, and nurturing positive interactions, can foster deep and satisfying relationships. It includes tuning into emotional cues, making connections feel seen and heard, and embracing the method of development collectively. In nurturing these moments of encouragement and validation, you’re not just building a safe attachment; you’re empowering a child to become their best self.
This helps them develop the idea you could join and depend on others. If you need to be truly pleased in your relationship, you should just remember to don’t attach yourself blindly to people. Make certain that you’re happy with yourself and in a position to add a relationship to your life. If you’re feeling like you’re desperate for a relationship or you are obsessed with your companion, likelihood is the connection won’t deliver you love.
This is because intimate relationships unconsciously stimulate your attachment fashion and both trust or fear from your past experiences. It’s regular to become dependent in your companion to a healthy degree. Learning to precise your needs, fears, and desires candidly can remodel your relationships. Healthy boundaries create a sense of safety and respect, which are pillars of safe attachment. Parent-child relationships are vital to a teenager’s progress and maturity. However, this relationship can become problematic when a teen is rebellious or a father or mother lacks persistence.
Supportive remedy or constant relationships may help you strengthen security over time, as proven in attachment research and social psychology journals. In terms of emotional regulation, study and practice strategies like deep respiration, meditation, and grounding strategies. These may help you handle tough emotions in a method that doesn’t overwhelm you or trigger you to shut down.
Be affected person and compassionate with your self as you’re employed through this process. Celebrate small wins alongside the method in which, whether or not that’s expressing your emotions more brazenly, setting wholesome boundaries, or trusting others extra absolutely. Share your thoughts and emotions honestly, even when it feels uncomfortable at first. Begin by expressing your wants, wishes, and fears with trusted associates or companions. Over time, vulnerability can turn out to be more natural and fewer intimidating.
Meeting these needs for youngsters lays the inspiration for a safe parent-child relationship—offering children the best circumstances to thrive. Assertiveness reduces ambiguity, will increase predictability, and opens the door to cooperative problem-solving across intimate, household, and work contexts. The core skills—clear expression and consistent enforcement—apply all over the place however look different by setting. When used nicely, assertiveness prevents resentful compliance, improves psychological safety, and makes battle extra productive. Below are targeted methods and temporary situations that present how assertiveness can change patterns in each setting—and how therapy or teaching would possibly assist the work.
Surround your self with individuals who model healthy relationships and provide emotional support. Participating in neighborhood actions, help teams, or workshops can also offer alternatives to practice and reinforce secure relational patterns. Picture a child who falls, appears round, and sees their parent offering a comforting smile and an outstretched hand. They witness and obtain affection regularly and have robust optimistic reminiscences all through their childhood, learning that the world is a protected place and that they’re worthy of affection. In maturity, securely hooked up individuals usually find it easier to form balanced, honest, and open relationships.
Secure attachment is a set of expertise you can be taught with small daily reps. You don’t need to be excellent. Secure attachment develops via constant, responsive actions and self-compassion, serving to your physique be taught that each closeness and area may be safe. Secure attachment fosters trust, emotional expression, and resilience, supporting higher shallowness and a constructive self-concept, so you’re feeling valued and succesful in your relationships and private life. If possible, hunt down mentors, pals, or romantic companions who are emotionally healthy and exhibit secure attachment behaviors.
Let’s break down what safe attachment feels like in romantic relationships—and how one can begin to cultivate it. You can stand by yourself two toes, and confidently voice your needs, needs and considerations. You can learn to have tough conversations and trust within the capability to discover a mutually useful solution (rather than fearing that any battle will lead to a break-up).
Physical affection plays a crucial function in selling security and heat in a baby’s emotional growth. When parents learn with their youngsters, it provides a shared moment of connection, providing not only an opportunity for learning but additionally for closeness and communication. They assist RAD-affected individuals feel safe, understanding what to expect from interactions. RAD relationships could face setbacks, corresponding to communication breakdowns or difficulty in expressing feelings. When setbacks happen, it’s necessary to not dwell on them however as an alternative concentrate on resilience. While attachment principle acknowledges the significance of early relationships, it also promotes our capability for change.
These patterns are often a mirrored image of our early attachment types. Lastly, imagine a toddler living in a world of unpredictability, where caregivers oscillate between heat and worry. This baby, often caught in a tempest of confusion, grows into an adult who deeply desires connection but fears getting too close.
If you’re ready to maneuver past suggestions and into transformation, I may help. As a postpartum house visitor for a local non-profit, I provide a collection of three visits for all mothers who’re discharged from the hospital with their new child. I never know what I’ll discover when I visit a house with a baby less than 7 days old. Some Moms are calm and relaxed; others have nervousness about doing every thing proper.
So, let’s break down attachment and how to provide your child with the care they should insure a secure attachment. The long-term benefits of strong caregiver-child relationships prolong far past childhood, shaping an individual’s life in profound methods. By fostering secure attachments, caregivers can set their kids up for fulfillment, not simply of their early years, however all through their lives.
There are many misconceptions about what it means to have a safe attachment. Here are a number of the most typical myths and the real truths behind them. These signs contribute to larger relationship quality and are grounded in mutual respect between partners. Children mirror adults, so displaying respect, endurance, and empathy teaches them to do the same. For occasion, saying “please” and “thank you” and dealing with frustration calmly offers them with a template for interacting with others.
She is a powerful advocate for open adoptions, education reform, feminism, kindness, and naps. Use the damaged record—restate your boundary without over-explaining—and acknowledge the opposite person’s feelings if helpful. If pushback continues, pause the conversation to regroup and observe up later. Common obstacles embody concern of rejection, anxiousness about conflict, and ingrained people-pleasing. You would possibly doubt your wants, have cultural or household messages that discourage talking up, or carry reminiscences of being dismissed or criticized.
The baby feels free to discover, knowing they’ll return for consolation. This back-and-forth builds confidence and aids emotional development. Where there’s an expectation there is all the time an underlying want, and it’s our job to evaluate our expectations to see if they’re wholesome expressions of that want. People with disorganized attachment styles tend to have unpredictable and complicated conduct in relationships. Jordan mentioned they could alternate between being aloof and impartial and clingy and emotional.
Complimenting each other is an excellent way to nurture positive self-esteem and strengthen attachment between a toddler and their caregiver. This creates a deeper connection and helps the kid really feel really seen and understood. Practicing visible connection by way of eye contact during playful actions is an easy but highly effective approach to strengthen emotional bonds. Creating a memory field is a wonderful way to strengthen emotional bonds by celebrating shared experiences. Emotion-focused play, like feelings charades, is a enjoyable and interesting method to assist kids express and understand their emotions. This activity encourages reliance on the caregiver, serving to the child experience the security that comes with figuring out they’ll depend on others.
Physical closeness is certainly one of the most powerful ways to construct attachment. Holding, cuddling, and skin-to-skin contact make your child really feel protected and loved. Your teenager may want extra freedom than you’re keen to provide, however she nonetheless needs you for comfort, assist, and guidance, whether she desires to confess it or not. As a parent, it’s not your job to manage your daughter however to boost her. By constructing a trusting relationship that works each methods, your teenager constructs a sense of self-control and values. If you don’t trust her not to fail, she won’t have that faith in herself.
Being reliable means that whenever you say you’re going to do one thing, you comply with through. If you’ve promised to listen, be there along with your ears open and your mouth shut—unless it’s to ask how one can assist, of course. When you talk and implement boundaries, put together quick scripts and an escalation plan so you’ll have the ability to keep consistent and less reactive. Use this map to choose on a starting point—address the boundary tied to your current exhaustion or recurring conflict and practice the enforcement sequence till it feels pure. These outcomes prepare the bottom for concrete boundary work—the subsequent important skill for protecting your power and relationships. Tammy presents training in animal-assisted therapy at her ranch in Canada ().
For occasion, you might need quality time to feel connected, while your associate craves words of affirmation. Recognizing these needs allows you to navigate your relationship with empathy and care. Imagine feeling so linked and understood by someone that it’s like they’ve obtained a VIP cross to your internal world. It’s the golden ticket to building relationships that are not simply wholesome but also deeply satisfying. When children’s basic wants for a wholesome attachment are met, they really feel secure, hopeful, and confident.
Welcome to the world of the safe attachment type, the gold normal of relationship dynamics the place emotional security and mutual respect pave the means in which for lasting love and personal progress. As we wrap up our journey by way of the landscape of attachment remedy, it’s clear that this approach offers a robust path to healing and development. By addressing the root causes of relational difficulties, attachment therapy provides a basis for building healthier, more fulfilling relationships and a stronger sense of self. Addressing early childhood experiences and trauma is one other cornerstone of attachment therapy. It’s like being an emotional archaeologist, rigorously excavating the layers of previous experiences to grasp how they’ve formed present relationship patterns. Imagine constructing a home on a firm base, rather than on shifting sands.
The sooner more difficult problems are recognized, the easier they’re to appropriate. For help, you presumably can turn to your pediatrician, an infant mental health specialist, or someone trained in early intervention. The significance of getting fun, playing with, holding, and sharing happiness with your child can’t be overstated. Smiles, laughter, contact, and interaction are as necessary to a baby’s improvement as meals or sleep. Your body language, tone of voice, and loving touch are all essential ways of communicating along with your baby. BetterHelp is an internet remedy service that matches you to licensed, accredited therapists who can help with depression, anxiousness, relationships, and extra.
They take pleasure in higher wellbeing and tend to have a more positive outlook on life (Karreman Support the creation of latest tools for the entire psychological health group. Her work spans numerous health-related subjects, including psychological well being, health, diet, and wellness. We have a tendency to search out relationships that are much like our roles in our families. If we all know how to be beloved and respected, we find it simpler to be loving and respectful, and to anticipate it from others. “Bowlby believed that due to this evolution, infants and toddlers were monitoring their parents to see what strategies would allow them to remain shut,” Jordan mentioned.
Start right now by being aware, setting your intention, looking for assist, and working towards self-compassion. When people are continuously exposed to high levels of stress, such as monetary instability or unsafe dwelling circumstances, this could undermine secure attachment (Uchino, 2009; Repetti et al., 2002). Mental well being situations often have an result on self-esteem, emotional regulation, and relationship dynamics, which collectively can tremendously hinder the power to determine and maintain secure relationships. The emotional help and stability from their trusting relationships present a buffer against stress and contribute to general higher psychological wellbeing. They talk openly and effectively, deal with conflicts constructively, and belief their companions.
And, they may not have met your whole wants, or all your hopes, as well as you’d have appreciated. Small tangible rewards similar to additional playtime, a sweet treat, or an pleasant activity can work well, however strive to not overcompensate with these. Your child will feel appreciated and eager to perform properly to expertise the positivity of praise and reward. Good communication from a caregiver tells the child that they are revered and being handled as a person and never a toddler, that their opinion matters too.
While self-help instruments and relationship workout routines can be highly effective, they’re not a substitute for professional support. Therapy at Madison Square Psychotherapy can provide a safe, guided house to unpack deep-rooted patterns and develop a safe attachment style extra effectively. Understanding grownup attachment styles seems totally different for everybody, through the attachment process you’ll be able to develop emotional consciousness, achieve private development, and higher your intimate relationships. Cultivating a safe attachment style is a transformative journey that can enhance your relationships and overall well-being. Avoidant insecure attachment starts when the caregiver cannot meet the kid’s wants, just like anxious, insecure attachment.
There are different ways to develop safe attachment patterns and healthy boundaries so you’re feeling assured to speak effectively within your grownup relationships. You don’t should navigate this journey alone – assist is available, and therapeutic is feasible. The roots of attachment remedy may be traced again to the groundbreaking work of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth within the mid-20th century. These pioneers acknowledged the profound impact that early relationships, significantly with primary caregivers, have on a child’s emotional and social development.
This attachment fashion negatively impacts the child into maturity, the place they continue to develop a disorganized attachment relationship with others. To be taught more about the completely different attachment styles and attachment principle, take a look at this article by Psychology Today. Secure attachment is the felt sense that you’re worthy of affection and that protected folks will attempt to present up for you.